(A Pull-A-Fast-One Prize winning, ground-breaking article!)
Capes : The biggest no-no for a REAL villain.
What’s the first thing you think about when someone says Superman?
That’s right, that RIDICULOUS costume, with that eye sore of a red CAPE. Now being a self-loathing evil villain, one must not do anything that even resembles anything a superhero does! That most importantly includes cape-wearing! Write it down somewhere, take note. NO capes!
If that’s not reason enough, vampires of old have also been known to wear black satin capes. That’s great! Vampires are evil aren’t they? NO. Given the current reputation of vampires (thank you, Stephanie Meyer); capes are bad for your image.
They’re also inefficient. I mean they don’t TELL you about the accidents that happen with the capes, they just retain the good *ugh* parts in all the stories and legends. So unless you want to die by getting choked, or smothered by a piece of your villainously dashing attire, burn every cape you have in your closet.
Yes, a lot of really legendary villains have been shown to have capes in the past; but look at how they all ended up!
I’ll tell you an inside secret. They didn’t really get defeated by the heroes. They were all victims of their own fashion choices. Shocked? You shouldn’t be.
I mean, come on! Villains are geniuses! They come up with ingenious plans, elaborate strategies, and have amazing infrastructure and funding to back them. They don’t lack creativity, nor spite! Did you really think the whiny heroes could have defeated them? I mean ridiculous props and luck can only get you so far, heroes!
So as a villain, I ask you to take my advice, and go for an elegant getup, brilliant in its simplicity.It’s also less expensive. Save your wealth for your evil schemes. Look smashing, dashing and debonair! Presentation is important. Make your opponent feel worthless as they watch you enter.
(For more on the above, see also: Making An Entrance. Making an Impact)
Now keeping all of the above in mind next time you feel like eliminating the competition, gift them a cape, and a goldfish.
Instant results, Guaranteed.
“ Excellent” – Monty Burns.
Article by: Anindita Ravikumar
Still from: The Simpsons